Since going on my hard-core healthy diet, I’ve discovered that it’s fun, interesting, and tasty to morph meals from one incarnation to another. I’ll start off with raw juiced vegetables, for example, and drink it in one meal. Then I’ll heat it up and add beans, turning it into soup for another meal. Then I’ll add rice and make it into comfort food for the third meal.

Along the way, I’ll change spices too, so that the meals are always different and intriguing. I say intriguing in part because I don’t have a clue how it’s going to turn out until I taste it!

Last night, I thought I’d come to the end of the road with what along the way had morphed into a bean and rice dish with greens and a peanut sauce. But then as I looked at the pan full of food in the fridge, seemingly on its last leg, I had an idea: I threw it in the blender, added some spices and fresh basil, and made a pate out of it!

True, it would have been more fun to spread it on some bread and add a slice or two of cheese, some avocado, and whatnot, but fuck it. I just ate it straight out of the bowl (after dipping one of my kelp “crackers” into it).

And I’m about to be able to report on my own creation of hot chocolate. I took a smoothie I’d made – with the usual suspects of dates, coconut, almonds, water, raw cacao powder, an apple, and some greens, methinks – and I added coconut cream, then added water and more raw cacao powder. It’s heating up right now.

But before I added water and caco and put the concoction on the fire, I just mixed up the coconut cream with the smoothie ingredients and (wincing, not sure it would be one of those “too much” situations) tasted it cold. OMG! OMG! OMG! I have found my substitute junk food!

I soooo love coconut cream. It’s my saving grace. I made the most amazing veggies I’ve ever made in my life this afternoon for lunch, using peanut butter and coconut cream, heated in boiling water, to create a sauce. I’ll share the recipe soon, maybe next post!

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So this afternoon, I took out of the fridge my leftover rice with raisins, from the night before, as well as my frozen garbanzo beans, from last week. I heated them up with water, then chopped up fresh veggies – garlic, basil, tomatoes, cilantro. I mixed up the fresh and the heated, added fresh lemon juice and some spices: black pepper, sea salt, and chili powder (my new fave – chili is the new curry in my world). OMG it was totally yummy delish, and yet such a basic ensemble!

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I woke up this morning, went to the kitchen, and was like, fuck. I want to throw two eggs into a frying pan. I want to throw cereal into a bowl. I want my eating habits to be simple, damn it. I want my kitchen to stop looking like a tornado hit, because I’m always cooking with raw fresh ingredients, using up every g@ddamned pot, bowl, plate, and spoon in the establishment.

I stood there in my PJs, opened the fridge, looked around, scowled, grabbed a banana, and walked back out. I checked my email, called my mom, scowled some more, checked my email again, made some coffee, then got to work (and I mean work) cranking out breakfast.

It was totally yum delish, and I felt like a rockstar for being so fucking healthy. Which got me to thinking about this little snapshot of the food changes in my life in the past month:

Breakfast Past:

• Variation on two eggs – sunny-side up or omelet fashion, with cheese, garlic, mushrooms, spinach, maybe broccoli
• Toast with butter and fruit spread (no added sugar or sugar substitutes)
• Latte – espresso and warm cow’s milk   

Breakfast Present:

Smoothie with the following all-organic ingredients:

• Collard greens
• Kale
• Pineapple juice
• Fresh ginger
• Apple
• Almonds
• Water

Latte – espresso and coconut cream

It is really a fucking pain in the ass to eat like this, I’m not going to lie to you, and I’ve caught myself fantasizing about killing chickens with my bare hands (bad vegan! bad!), because I’m so damn hungry sometimes. But at the end of the day, I am hecka proud of myself for going on this path and sticking to it, and I feel really awesome about every damn morsel of food I’m putting into my body.

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I could not be more excited that I just finished the revised version of my book proposal – which involved a complete overhaul of the book concept, outline, and chapter summaries. As in, start again.

It’s been one hell of an intense ride over the past year, let me tell you! I say this not because the Christian New Year is coming up, but because it’s exactly one year since my multicultural consulting contract wrapped up, and I launched Dancing With Pain®. From December through June, I worked around the clock, on a super steep learning curve about all things financial.

In June, just when all the utility bills were coming in red, I was granted a bank loan for getting Dancing with Pain off the ground. In July, the company had its launch celebration, and we started getting all kinds of crazy media attention. Things were totally taking off. In August, I attended a venture capital meeting, and a woman approached me – telling me she’s got a friend that just might be interested in throwing wads of cash my way.

Then the next morning, all the crazy happened. And I entered four months of hell. Life as I knew it came crashing down. If you’ve been following my blog, you know the deets. I’m not inclined to repeat them, because my ear is starting to hurt, just remembering all the chaos. But I’m just sitting here thinking how strong I’ve been, how much I’ve accomplished despite all the shit flying at me and hitting me right between the eyes.

• I fought hard for and was granted disability accommodation at my previous location
• I overcame intimidation and took a doctor to court for personal injury (the one who caused the pain in my eye)
• I began walking and biking regularly, walking up to 3 miles and biking up to 26 – more than I’ve done in about 15 years 
• I moved twice in two months
• I wrote a book proposal (which I just rewrote)
• I did all manner of media and public relations management for a doctor with a major book about to hit the streets
• I somehow managed to pay my rent and health insurance, despite barely scraping by as a result of all the chaos and pain
• I was diagnosed with a potentially cancerous nodule on my thyroid
• I completely overhauled my diet overnight (literally), to an all-vegan, all-organic, no processed foods, no fried foods, no gluten, no soy diet to eliminate said nodule

…and I overcame a whole bunch of other stuff – including a heavy dose of family drama, a urinary tract infection, an adverse reaction to penicillin, a frozen shoulder, and a nurse-inflicted ankle injury. Honestly, I feel it’s been nonstop since December. And the whole year before it was even more intense than this past year, as you loyal reader types know.

So what I want right now, more than a big juicy slab of steak or hunk of muenster cheese, is a mani, pedi, and haircut. I want to take off these here glasses, don my leather boots, and go out and have me some fun! It has been a long-ass time since I’ve felt like a normal balanced human.

But most of all, I would like to say, out loud, shouting it to the world, I am fucking crazy proud of myself!!!!!

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So as those of you following my blog know, I decided to ditch the biopsy a few weeks back. Admittedly, I had a meltdown on the morning I cancelled the procedure, but it was the right decision. I cancelled the appointment for a few reasons:

1. I wanted more information about a procedure where someone would be sticking a needle rilly rilly close to my windpipe.
2. I wanted more information about the doctor performing the procedure. (Did I mention the windpipe?)
3. I wasn’t going to let them haul out my thyroid gland, even if Gd forbid the nodule turned out to get cancerous, so why put myself through the biopsy risk? 
4. I was afraid and anxious. And as I have learned (the hard way) over the years, whenever I am afraid and/or anxious, I need to do what I call “practice the pause.” Take a breather. Get information. Check in with my mind, body, and spirit. It’s not a go sign, and it’s not a stop sign. It’s just a pause sign so that I move ahead in the best direction, with the best energy possible.

I decided to give myself a head-start on a lifestyle overhaul designed to naturally get rid of the nodule: I changed my diet to the following:

• All vegan
• All organic
• No processed foods
• No sugars of any kind (no honey, maple syrup…)
• No fried foods
• No gluten
• No soy

In addition, my mom started giving me energy healing to get rid of the nodule, and I started regularly praying/meditating to that effect. Meanwhile I decided on the following action plan:

1. Give myself six weeks of hard-core lifestyle change
2. Research thyroid-related organizations and patient advocacy groups and get information from them about the issue, the options, and the support.
3. Consult with holistic health practitioners about additional steps to take to holistically respond to the situation.
4. Have a conversation with the endocrinologist about the biopsy procedure.
5. Get a second ultrasound at the end of the six weeks, to get another picture of the nodule and make a decision from there

I met with the endo doc yesterday, and she was freakin amazing! She is one of the best doctors, if not the best doctor, I have ever worked with. In another post, I’ll tell you why.

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