One of the coolest moments was when I was doing bridge pose — going up, holding for two seconds, then going back down.  I was feeling some instability and pain. That’s when I really come to understand the power of the glutes:

Nina is always telling me to squeeze them, and I do, but for the first time, as I was making micro-shifts in my energy, weight, and intention, I got it that I can really power from the glute muscles — i.e., that my energy and strength can originate from and be sustained by them. 

When I really started engaging and working from my glutes, my movement totally changed, becoming strong, stable, and easy.

Something similar happened in a previous exercise – I think my squats with a ball on the wall (my back presses against the ball, as I squat down). I was feeling some weakness and playing with where I could get power and stability. I really pulled my abs in toward my spine, and voilà! I had an instant source of power and stability.

Cool.

In my dance routine yesterday, I incorporated the whole ab/glute squeeze. I am still playing around with and learning about the power of these muscles and those movements. I’ll keep ya posted as I progress.

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Nina Moore

She reported experiencing pain/discomfort at a level 6-7, which is fairly high on our scale.  After chatting with Loolwa for a few minutes about exactly what she was feeling and where, then observing how she was moving, I decided that we could proceed with the session, albeit cautiously.

No elliptical trainer for that session. In my opinion, the benefit did not outweight the risk. So we used the stability ball as a part of the warmup, as well as for the exercises. The core muscles are involved in nearly all stability ball exercises, so it’s a good way to get the body’s core temperature elevated and increase muscle temperature and blood flow – the purpose of a warm up.

We then continued to use the stability ball in a number of different exercises, but reduced the number of reps and sets.  I had Loolwa get up often, to check in with her body. I wanted to closely monitor where she was on the pain/discomfort scale, so that I easily could identify anything that might be exacerbating any pain, then either regress the exercise or change it completely.  

(Nina demos ball exercise)

We were overall pretty successful, and by the end of the session, Loolwa felt better than when she started.

Session #8 was a great session.  There was minimal pain, more exercises, more reps, and more sets. And more smiles! I look forward to seeing what the next session will bring.  I feel that we may be on the verge of a breakthrough . . .

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So I introduced three new exercises, peppered in among things with which she was familiar and could complete near-perfectly.  I drew upon her mind-body confidence in these exercises, to help with the new ones.  

If our mind can draw upon a recent success, it is more likely to feel comfortable with something completely unfamiliar.  My goal was for Loolwa to feel she had the strength, both physical and emotional, to push herself beyond some limiting thresholds — that point where the body asks the mind, “Are you sure about this?” 

To this end, part of my job was offering precise guidance (draw your belly button into your spine, bring your feet a little wider, exhale through the movement) on how to safely perform each exercise. And so Loolwa did — powering her way through the session.

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(Nina demonstrates the new move)

Nina and I check in about that kind of stuff, discussing the pain and determining, on a case-by-case basis, where it means I should stop and where it means I can proceed — slowly, cautiously, and in a modified form.

My lunges and squats felt pretty easy. At one point, I felt so strong that I decided I was the Incredible Hulk. Right at that moment, without my saying anything, Nina exclaimed, “Go rockstar!” Apparently I was emanating my Hulky essence.

Even the new exercise Nina gave me (combinbing two previous routines) felt easy, once I got the hang of it. It involved wrapping the green band around a machine (for resistance), with only one side of the band protruding. Then I held onto that side of the band, did a squat, then stood up and did an arm pull back with the band.

(Me rockin' the new move)

It’s been three hours since I finished the session. While I’m feeling that good kind of tired, I’m not feeling completely wiped out — ie, needing to lie down for an hour or five, as has been the case in the past. I am, however, feeling particularly interested in the chocolate ice cream in my freezer. But that’s another issue altogether.

Oh one more cool report back from the day: Nina reminded me a few times throughout the session that I needed to stay mindful of my body and any limitations. “I’m going to be going for movement forward [progress in the routine], because you’re having a good day today. But keep checking in with your body, and tell me if you’re had enough at any point.”

She also kept encouraging me to rest as much as I needed at the end of each exercise, before moving on to the next one. And the thing is, she really means it when she says that. She’s not one of those people who say, “Take your time” with their words but indicate otherwise with their impatient body gestures.

These details are super important, for a lot of reasons. Most significantly, they create an atmosphere of inviation and a sense of safety. I’ve got so many battle scars from asserting my boundaries, that it can feel downright scary to do so — especially when I’ve got a lot riding on things working out with someone.

On a biomechanical level, the sense of safety creates a state of internal relaxation, instead of triggering fear and anxiety. And of course, we operate at peak performance in our relaxed state.

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Over the past year, I have mostly walked back and forth along the long segment of the beach where I like to hang out.

Today, however, I did a round trip on that segment, then did a round trip on the next segment over, then came back and did 1/3 a round trip on the long segment again. At that point, my ankle felt like it might give if I were to go any farther. So I stopped and watched the sun set.

I’m so excited! I’ll keep you posted how the next round goes.

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When we got upstairs for our session (via elevator, because of the pain), we bypassed the elliptical trainer that we usually start off with. The woman completely revamped our workout session on the spot, given the change in circumstances.

Are you taking notes, health care people?

So the first thing she does is bring me a big fat ball and asks me to sit on it. I start off doing crunches, going backwards and up. Next, she takes the green band (eat me, yellow — I’m still on green, even in a setback!) and wraps it around her waist.

Usually we wrap the green band around a machine, and I do my arm pulls standing, working against the resistance of the band against the machine. But impromptu style, Nina turned herself into a human workout machine, so that I could stay comfortably on the ball and do the exercise sitting. “I’m keeping you on the ball, so that you don’t put pressure on the area in pain,” she explained.

I love this woman. As I said in a previous post, she’s got the creativity, flexibility, knowledge, and care that are imperative for someone working with a client who has any kind of sensitivity. And so, as I giggled while doing the arm pulls, I also felt myself emotionally leaning into my building trust of Nina.

Every ten minutes or so, Nina asked me to walk around. Each time I walked, it was different. Once I was still in pain and slightly limping. Another time, I didn’t have pain, but I was walking in a very guarded way — keenly aware that if I walked any other way, I would be in pain. And the last time, I was pain-free.

How cool is that?

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Then there’s the fact that my strength training has been paying off. I’ve been feeling stronger and walking taller, and I’ve been noticing the difference in things like the effort required for biking.

Usually I run around with my hair in a thoughtless bun on my head. But on Friday morning, I was feeling unusually perky. That manifested in my taking the extra time to put my hair into a cute little ponytail ‘do, wear a red bandana, and…drumroll please…pop in contact lenses.

For two years since the liquid nitrogen incident, I haven’t worn lenses, save for a few brief attempts here and there. Every time I have tried to wear lenses, they have hurt, leaving me with headaches and eye pain. But on Friday, I had enough energy to figure I’d give it another shot. Perhaps the strength training had impacted my general nervous system, I thought, with a positive effect on my eyes.

And so off I went to my gym, to meet Nina for The Humpty Dumpty Challenge Session #7. As I drove to the gym, I felt ME emerging inside — my authentic personality, which more or less has been buried under over a decade of chronic pain rubble. I felt strong, confident, happy, and bouncy. I drove with a sense of ease, mastery, and enjoyment.

As I neared the parking place, I visualized blogging about getting rid of my handicapped placard in the near future. I felt myself approaching the day that I no longer need it – so exciting!

After parking, I walked powerfully toward the gym entrance. At the counter, I said hello to the friendly staff person who takes member cards. I was feeling great and could not wait for my workout.

As I put my card back into my wallet, a big guy with big energy — you know, like taking up the space of several people — walked up to say hello to the staff person. Boom! He was one inch away from my skin, and his energy extended past — piercing through. My leg went out.

My leg went out from someone’s fucking energy!

I limped to the locker room, limped to the elevator, asked the staff person for an ice pack, and sat down, icing my left thigh/groin area (the exact location getting shots of nerve pain when I walked), waiting for Nina.

I thought about what Nina had said during The Humpty Dumpty Challenge session #5 – about being able to see in my eyes that I’d had several days of pain. Within 10 minutes after my leg went out, I felt completely different. It’s as if someone had taken a pin to a balloon and popped it.

I felt frustrated.

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That got me to thinking: I want to expand The Humpty Dumpty Challenge — making it a global movement, where those of us with chronic pain and other forms of chronic illness can egg each other on (as it were) towards complete self-healing.

I’m wondering if anyone knows a technical program that I can incorporate into my site, where people can log on and register their names, their health challenges, their health goals, and then be able to log in each day or week and track their progress. Please let me know if you have the 411 (or 144 if you’re in Israel!) on how to do this. Thanks!

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(Rockin Day!)

I had a lovely social and athletic day today! I biked over to a cafe specializing in rare coffees, for a coffee and tea meetup group. The people were totally awesome — interesting, dynamic, and thoughtful on a lot of different topics. One of the people was an artist with great energy — radiating light. We ended up talking for about an hour after the meetup ended.

I then biked to the beach — unexpected, unplanned! I didn’t have my bike computer (left it at home), so I have no idea how far I biked or how fast, but I also don’t care; becuase it was Shabbath, so it was all about the chill vibe. I enjoyed the beach immensely. There were not a lot of bikers on the path, but there was a great relaxed vibe on the beach — with people playing volleyball and strolling about.

(Birdies on the Beach!)

The light danced on the water, and I felt as if I were in Israel. I felt really relaxed. I felt my personality – my authentic self – present inside me, re-emerging. That felt terrific.

I biked at a moderate pace and felt physically at ease. My right thigh/groin area did “talk” to me, but I practiced turning the energy from the biking action into healing energy to send to that area of my body; and I also played with where I put my weight. I’ve discovered through my work with Nina that when I just shift my weight, I can have an entirely different experience and immediately get rid of pain.

After my chill ride home (about 10 miles – more or less the same route as last time), I was all warmed up and ready to dance. I danced with high energy for over an hour. I couldn’t stop! I danced almost a full album of Cheb i Sabbah — a global electronica DJ. Gd bless my downstairs neighbor, who is tolerant of my pounding feet and thumping beat. I also rediscovered Israeli hip hop group Hadag Nahash, which I found out is on Napster! Score!

Then I ate lunch at, like, 5 pm. And now, at nearly 7 pm, I’m exhausted. I’m thinking of heading to sleep. It’s ridiculous! I’ve gone from a 2-3 am bedtime to a midnight bedtime (I can’t keep my eyes open past that time anymore), to — what? — a 7 pm bedtime? Then again, it’s this yummy feeling of being tired, not the icky tired. It’s the tired of a day of being full of life in mind, body, and spirit. So yeah, maybe I’ll hit the sack now. 

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(Back to green. Suck it, yellow band!)

My last session with Nina felt victorious. I was back to a green band and doing lots o’ reps. Plus she started me on some brand spankin’ new moves. As in previous sessions, I kept breaking into uncontrollable grins, as I accessed parts of my body that had been asleep for years and years.

I love it when I internally touch upon a place that is really weak — knowing, of course, that I’m working with someone who has got my back in terms of safety and knowledge. And yet, I can also feel ridiculous, like, “OMG you are fucking kidding me.”

(I want that strength!)

I had both reactions during the new routines Nina had me do. In one of them, for example, I stepped on a one end of a yellow band, then raised the other end with my arm. Here’s hor far I could raise it: As soon as the band gave one iota of tension, I was already in my pain zone and had to stop.

It was embarassing. But with someone like Nina, I was only encouraged. This woman is pure love, I tell ya. And together we’re gonna kick my ass and completely rebuild my body. Yeah!

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