I went into my life long pain due due a bad surgery where other surgeons won’t testify at their high level of practice b/c they are all friends. Its sad when you get to the Mayo clinic level if a surgeon screws your life over other surgeons don’t have the ’star power’ to testify or are in a small group of elite friends across hospitals.

I went into this surgery with a wonderful girlfriend and many dreams. Came out with her family determined she was too good for an afterwards disabled man due to pain and nerve/muscle damage. So much for true love as all the dreams changed – for her – and what dreams are left have to be all on her terms or nothing. Her terms strip my desparately needed support and security from me as a now chronic pain and physically limited man.

For me I have pretty much given up on a dream that I can return to real life, much less find a woman I am attracted to, and her attracted to me and then build dreams again.

I still have much to offer I believe, a mind, good looks, etc. Yes I have limitations also that figure in.

I don’t think I will find that attractive sweet God fearing/loving woman anytime soon that can truly love me in spite of limitations and be able to assist me. I feel all of those are wanting fully able men to swoosh them away in dancing, long walks on the beach, romantic dinners out, hikes, etc.

I don’t think there is any choice but just to give up on women except those that they themselves have limitations as any others don’t want a disabled man – except for those disabilities that don’t impact their own dreams in the least.

How life goes from being a world travelling exec to pretty much homebound without legal recourse and without hopes of true love is one hell of a cross to bear – but here I am – still with dreams of love, children, romance, laughter, cuddling/sex, movies, candle lit dinners, etc. Just I need someone who’s either healthy or own limitations can balance with mine (mine being moderate to severe pain daily managed with everything from meds to physical therapy – and limitations due to upper body nerve/muscle damage).

But I guess I give up on meeting someone such as that and a deep deep love for Christ as almost all have dreams of the perfect man or are in this world for the love of the world and not living a goal of being a saint – knowing we are but human and all need love – even the least of us.

I admire your spunk! I’m in the same boat dating wise and hope you have good luck with Dating For 6.

I have Fibro and CFS. I have had three relationships since having chronic pain and gave them up because they sucked me dry.

Your so right, we have “shit to do” and I work 3 part time jobs to make ends meet on SSID. I had a lucrative career for 25 years before becoming disabled. Financially I struggle. Only in the US can a person be penalized for paying in to the system all their lives. If I never worked a day in my life I would get full benefits, free housing, foodstamps, medicaid, free medical and prescriptions, free fuel assistance, 75 percent off my electric bill. etc. But no I worked hard and now I am poorer then the poor. I have to work under the table to get by.

So what do I do today? I do respite work for the elderly. Many are disabled due to strokes and wheelchair bound. I can be compassionate because I understand their pain. I find that helping them helps me. I also volunteer at two food pantrys and teach sunday school. My faith in God keeps me strong long after I want to quit.

But back to dating… The men that are interested in me today as a disabled woman are not all that! All three were not steadily employed, if employed at all. It is almost like they figured I was lucky to have a boyfriend and that they could walk all over me. I will never date another man who is unemployed, doesn’t have his own place, or doesn’t have a licence. They are just like a full time job.

One kept moving in and hanging around all day looking for work. I’d kick him out because I couldn’t afford to feed him and he would call up begging me to see him. Eventually he became verbally abusive when his needs were not met so out he went.

Two cheated on me and expected me to accept it. I ended up with a sexually transmitted disease. He told me it was my fault he cheated because some days I was in too much pain or too tired to have sex.

Then there is the reality part. Yes, sex can be very painful and I act as if I am still in my old body. I have to play the part. The next day I feel like I WAS HIT BY A MACK TRUCK. Only one out of the three was reasonable to me in bed. The other two had to make a pretzel out of me and slam me into a pancake to find enjoyment.

Is it really worth the pain to get the intimacy? If love has to hurt then I am going to stay single indefinately.

Good Luck and there are some wonderful men out there. I see them in church and in daily life. Hopefully God will put a nice man in your life that will be kind and supportive.

Blessings,
Kelly

I’d love an ice pack that would reach from (at minimum) the base of my neck to the small of my back and that I could ice my arms from fingertips to shoulders, all at the same time. And gosh, if it would reach from head to toe (I’m about 5′8″) that would be even better because then I wouldn’t have to choose between my upper and lower halves.

Of course, then I have to wonder if it would fit in my freezer … but we do have a chest freezer I’m sure I could make room for it in!!

So do tell, I want details about this ice pack.

Isn’t it funny when people fixate on a minor detail of what you’ve written? Please know that I appreciated all of it — and am ever so grateful that I met my husband three weeks before my chronic pain started and that he stuck with me through it all (so far).

Thanks for your blog! I just discovered it today and look forward to reading more.