Feeling I’ve Been Lost at Sea

By: Loolwa Khazzoom, Founder, Dancing with Pain

April 2nd, 2008 • Living with Chronic PainPrint Print

I’ve been so busy living the Dancing with Pain® life that it’s been tough to find the time to sit down and write about it. But I’ve decided to at least take a few minutes to give you the highlights, and I can fill you in with details as soon as I’ve got the time to write more extensively:

For starters, I just hired an editorial intern who is totally fabulous — among other things, a dancer and a writer, can you believe it?! — and I can’t wait to turn her loose on the site. You’re going to love her!

I also just switched from my limping-along Lenovo computer to my Dragon-fabulous Dell computer. Thanks again to Zephyr-Tec for their consistent support of my work. Page Filson, one of their trainers, just spent her morning on the phone with me, helping me set everything up.

(If any of you are struggling with RSI, carpal tunnel syndrome, or any other kind of hand injury/disability, I highly recommend that you speak to the gals at this company. They rock!)

Most importantly, I’ve entered a deeper level of healing than ever before. I’m very much in the midst of it, so I’m not ready to publicly discuss it yet; but I will say that it’s been some combination of exhilarating and terrifying. I’ve been feeling that I’ve been lost at sea, flailing about, seeking bearings that cannot be found.

And yet I know that it is only by getting lost — really, truly letting go of who I was and what was not working — that I can discover who I am and embody my potential. So I continue on my journey, and I’ll report back once I reach a safe harbor.

Meanwhile, I’ve been working very hard on turning my sleeping schedule around, as part of a new dimension I’ve introduced to my healing regimen. So far, I’ve been able to work backwards from a roughly 3:00 a.m. bedtime to a consistent 11:00 p.m. bedtime.

Thus far, it’s just meant that I go to bed at 11 p.m. and lie around trying to fall asleep for two hours, before waking up four hours later and trying to fall asleep for a couple more hours. So as an upshot, I’m now in bed about 10 to 12 hours a night, only sleeping about six of those hours.

But I figure it’s a process, and I’m committed to it. My intuition tells me that my body will feel a lot better when I have a consistent bedtime, when there is a beginning and an end to a day, and when my cycle more closely resembles that of the moon and sun.

On that note, it’s time to hit the hay. I’ll check in again as soon as I can.


Nickie April 5th, 2008

I wish you wellness on your journey. I’m looking forward to hearing more about what you’ve learned, but right now, it’s enough just to know that you’re entering a new stage of healing. I say, congratulations! Keep up your good work!

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