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Frustrated by Another Setback

Posted By Loolwa Khazzoom On November 15, 2009 @ 2:01 pm In The Humpty Dumpty Challenge | 2 Comments

I woke up on Friday morning feeling good. For starters, all my habit-changing efforts really have been paying off. I’ve been going to bed early, sleeping better, waking up early, keeping my home clean, taking time to think about and plan out my day instead of charging into it, and so on.

red bandanaThen there’s the fact that my strength training has been paying off. I’ve been feeling stronger and walking taller, and I’ve been noticing the difference in things like the effort required for biking.

Usually I run around with my hair in a thoughtless bun on my head. But on Friday morning, I was feeling unusually perky. That manifested in my taking the extra time to put my hair into a cute little ponytail ‘do, wear a red bandana, and…drumroll please…pop in contact lenses.

For two years since the liquid nitrogen incident, I haven’t worn lenses, save for a few brief attempts here and there. Every time I have tried to wear lenses, they have hurt, leaving me with headaches and eye pain. But on Friday, I had enough energy to figure I’d give it another shot. Perhaps the strength training had impacted my general nervous system, I thought, with a positive effect on my eyes.

right eyeAnd so off I went to my gym, to meet Nina for The Humpty Dumpty Challenge Session #7. As I drove to the gym, I felt ME emerging inside — my authentic personality, which more or less has been buried under over a decade of chronic pain rubble. I felt strong, confident, happy, and bouncy. I drove with a sense of ease, mastery, and enjoyment.

As I neared the parking place, I visualized blogging about getting rid of my handicapped placard in the near future. I felt myself approaching the day that I no longer need it – so exciting!

After parking, I walked powerfully toward the gym entrance. At the counter, I said hello to the friendly staff person who takes member cards. I was feeling great and could not wait for my workout.

As I put my card back into my wallet, a big guy with big energy — you know, like taking up the space of several people — walked up to say hello to the staff person. Boom! He was one inch away from my skin, and his energy extended past — piercing through. My leg went out.

My leg went out from someone’s fucking energy!

I limped to the locker room, limped to the elevator, asked the staff person for an ice pack, and sat down, icing my left thigh/groin area (the exact location getting shots of nerve pain when I walked), waiting for Nina.

I thought about what Nina had said during The Humpty Dumpty Challenge session #5 – about being able to see in my eyes that I’d had several days of pain. Within 10 minutes after my leg went out, I felt completely different. It’s as if someone had taken a pin to a balloon and popped it.

I felt frustrated.


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