I Am Kicking Some Serious Booty!

By: Loolwa Khazzoom, Founder, Dancing with Pain

September 25th, 2010 • Living with Chronic PainPrint Print

Wow. It’s been one hell of a ride recently. My mom says her mouth is still hanging open from the swift way I responded to the demolition incident down in LA and got myself moved out and resettled up north over the course of a weekend. I’m pretty damn impressed with myself, thank you very much, given that…

  1. I was dealing with horrific levels of pain from the auditory injury — with everything from cars to dishes to voices setting nerve shots ricocheting across my head and retriggering the sense that there was a brick or some other kind of block in my ears
  2. I was reeling from a series of unpleasant incidents – including my bike tire getting slashed, my car door getting kicked in, and the front bumper of my car getting reared into
  3. I also was coping with a major emotional trigger from some friendly fire – a judgmental comment that had gotten under my skin, of the “why do bad things keep happening to you” variety, that really set me off
  4. I drove 400 miles north in one shot (which I hadn’t done since before the onset of chronic pain about 15 years ago), transcending both physical pain (was pain-free till the last 30 miles, demonstrating how much I’d healed over the years, through dance) and the fear of driving that has been my shadow since the car crash in 1997
  5. I found a lovely new house close to a park and bike trails (larger than my 2 br in LA and half the price), then rounded up friends, haulers, cleaners, and moving equipment, in as little as two days, to get me out of the old and into the new
  6. On my way driving back down south, I picked up a friend 120 miles away, then drove down Highway 101 for about another 400 miles, much of it in the dark, despite mounting pain throughout my body (my friend’s license had expired and not yet been renewed, so she couldn’t help out with that), and despite the fact that for years, driving in the dark has been much scarier for me than driving in the daylight
  7. With the help of said friends, haulers, and cleaners, I packed up, cleaned up, and moved out of my apartment and storage unit in the course of a weekend, then got myself (flying this time), my truck, and my car up north with all my stuff
  8. With the additional help of one of those friends and another set of haulers, I unloaded and more or less settled into my new place over the course of two more days
  9. I got to work immediately and within one week hooked up with a network of local recording engineers, video producers, newscasters, business entrepreneurs, and business and financial advisors, all of whom are excited about Dancing with Pain and eager to help me move it forward
  10. I hired a marketing coordinator and began training her for an hour a day
  11. Suddenly finding myself within walking distance of my father and sister, who are both super toxic to my well-being, I navigated through some High Holidays-related family drama, protecting my boundaries and emotional health
  12. I successfully advocated for myself around some disability issues in my new apartment complex, despite being overwhelmed by all the other stuff I was dealing with, and despite some emotional backlash by one of the people on staff (more on that later)
  13. I got over the mental block I’ve had for months – successfully writing the script for two downloadable audio classes
  14. I scheduled a recording session (for said classes) in a state-of-the-art studio, for half the price of what I was going to pay for recording in a scrappy-ass home studio in LA
  15. I started biking regularly, within two weeks biking as much as 22 miles at a shot (just shy of 35 K)– more than I’d biked since the late 1990s, when I could crank out 100 K

Whew!

When I started writing this post, I was feeling distressed about a couple of issues that are yet unresolved. And I was kind of beating myself up for not handling the situations 100%.  But now that I’ve written this post, I’m like, holy crap, I am a superhero!

So in another post, I’ll write about the stuff that’s bugging me. But my feelings about it have changed. Because right now, I am pretty damn pleased with myself. I am reminded that certain things are simply beyond my control and that there are many circumstances to take into consideration when navigating through challenging matters.

I am reminded that I truly am doing the very best that I can, and that I am effectively kicking some serious booty. And that, my friends, is enough.



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