I’m Feeling Like a Wuss Ass

By: Loolwa Khazzoom, Founder, Dancing with Pain

November 22nd, 2010 • Living with Chronic PainPrint Print

A friend of mine asked me, how can someone like you, who is out there and powerful and challenging the world, be so passive when it comes to disability accommodation? He was referring to the fact that at my last place of residence (which lasted two months becuase they were assholes), I asked for them to put signs on the dumpster (requesting that people dispose of their trash gently) instead of just plastering the damn signs all over the dumpster, then plastering them all over again, if the management took them down.

A few reasons: I want to live in an environment that is peaceful for me, not hostile to me. I’ve been beaten down by the medical system. I’ve been badgered by New Age bullies telling me that pain and suffering are my fault.I work from a heart-centered space, seeking understanding and compromise, not lawsuit ballistics.  Aside from which, the legal system has never been much help for me. Just made me sicker than I already was, because the energy is so shitty.

But I’m now feeling like a total wuss-ass. Indeed, what’s happened to me? Where am I? I’m feeling totally lost under this here avalanche, at the bottom of this fucking heap.

I talked to my best friend tonight. She said, “You’re still your Lioness self. You just need a place of peace to begin to roar again.” She’s totally right. But here’s the thing: I need to begin roaring to get me that peace. I cannot wait around for negotiations to happen. I cannot be the preeminent diplomat in this situation. My fucking health is at stake, and it’s URGENT.

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