There’s a lot going on in my head right now. For starters, I had a morning full of confusion about the line between offering a helping hand in a healthy way and getting pulled into someone’s chaos, the latter of which is unhealthy for me.
Second, I have been plagued with fear and self-doubt. Launching a company is not for the faint of heart, especially in this economy. I’m seeing parallels between being an entrepreneur and being hell-bent on healing from chronic pain naturally:
In both cases, we need to be something akin to an endurance athlete — believing in ourselves above and beyond what those around us may see as reasonable or logical, pulling strength from deep inside, then pulling strength from somewhere even deeper inside, transcending and defying total exhaustion.
Third, I have been sick of this setback, which has kept me under something along the lines of house arrest for the past two weeks. True, I am now emerging from the tunnel, and that is an accomplishment to be proud of.
Yesterday I was able to brave three round trips on 3 1/2 flights of stairs, to and from the laundry room, with two laundry bags bursting at the seams. I had just gone through my last pair of clean underwear, so this level of physical ability returned to me just in the nick of time!
And yet, I’m just feeling agitated at the moment — deprived of biking, hiking, being outdoors, and generally getting around, for quite a stretch of time. I know, I know, I should dance, be om shanti, and all that shit. But sometimes, I think it’s really okay to take a break from being Wonder Woman smiley-faced positive — giving ourselves a little bit of indulgence in recognizing how hard the struggle is.
So today is officially my pouting and temper tantrum day. Excuse me while I go stick my tongue out at something.