I’m Giving Myself Permission to Pout and Have a Temper Tantrum

By: Loolwa Khazzoom, Founder, Dancing with Pain

December 5th, 2009 • Living with Chronic PainPrint Print

question_markThere’s a lot going on in my head right now.  For starters, I had a morning full of confusion about the line between offering a helping hand in a healthy way and getting pulled into someone’s chaos, the latter of which is unhealthy for me.

Second, I have been plagued with fear and self-doubt.  Launching a company is not for the faint of heart, especially in this economy.  I’m seeing parallels between being an entrepreneur and being hell-bent on healing from chronic pain naturally:

endurance_1In both cases, we need to be something akin to an endurance athlete — believing in ourselves above and beyond what those around us may see as reasonable or logical, pulling strength from deep inside, then pulling strength from somewhere even deeper inside, transcending and defying total exhaustion.

Third, I have been sick of this setback, which has kept me under something along the lines of house arrest for the past two weeks.  True, I am now emerging from the tunnel, and that is an accomplishment to be proud of. 

Yesterday I was able to brave three round trips on 3 1/2 flights of stairs, to and from the laundry room, with two laundry bags bursting at the seams.  I had just gone through my last pair of clean underwear, so this level of physical ability returned to me just in the nick of time!

temper tantrumAnd yet, I’m just feeling agitated at the moment — deprived of biking, hiking, being outdoors, and generally getting around, for quite a stretch of time. I know, I know, I should dance, be om shanti, and all that shit. But sometimes, I think it’s really okay to take a break from being Wonder Woman smiley-faced positive — giving ourselves a little bit of indulgence in recognizing how hard the struggle is.

So today is officially my pouting and temper tantrum day.  Excuse me while I go stick my tongue out at something.



Comments

Rebecca December 6th, 2009

Good on ya.
This reminds me of Morrie’s approach to living with ALS (from “Tuesdays with Morrie” – awesome book if you ask me): every morning, he’d allow himself to feel sorry for himself and wallow in self-pity and cry and rage and all that if he felt he had to, and the rest of the day he’d just get on with whatever he could do and decide to enjoy life.
Smart move, I think.

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