A couple of months ago, when my mom was waxing and waning in and out of delirium, I was feeling at my wit’s end. One day, two rabbis at work randomly ushered me aside, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, asking me very intently not only how my mother was doing, but also how I was doing.
Both times, the caring gesture touched me so much, I burst into tears. One of the rabbis gave me a book of contemporary prayers, to help bring me comfort and offer me something to hang on to. She promised that during the children’s Friday night service that week, she would have the kids send healing prayers to my mother. The second rabbi held the space for me to talk at length about my experience and feelings, then promised to include blessings for my mother in his morning prayers.
Was it coincidence that two days later, my mom began – for the first time in the 6 weeks since her accident – to pull out of her delirium and show signs of her personality returning?
A few days ago, I reached my wit’s end once again. Among other things, I was physically ill and on antibiotics. In addition, I was so depleted and wracked with anxiety, that felt like a tangled ball of knots, eaten up with worry.
I realized that my mental state was ultimately counterproductive; that I had to take a step back and return to prayer. So I sent an e-mail to a ton of people I know and community listservs, asking everyone to pray for my mom. I also put another post on my blog, requesting the same.
Was it coincidence that the next day, my mother was in good spirits and far more lucid than she had been in two weeks?
I have come to feel that I need to achieve a balance — not between action and acceptance/letting go per se, but rather between action on the physical plane and action on the spiritual plane. There are times when I must engage in patient advocacy, and there are times when I must mobilize the energy fields to support my mother (or whatever ailment I am taking action to heal).