You will appear murky to those who live in and see through murky waters.

By: Loolwa Khazzoom, Founder, Dancing with Pain

January 21st, 2011 • Patient AdvocacyPrint Print

Ok this is going to be a stream of consciousness, possibly rambly blog post. I just read an article speaking in scientific terms about energy medicine and energy healing. It was so validating!!! It confirmed things I have felt and known and experienced since I was a child. But I kept being ridiculed, demeaned, pathologized, chastised, and whatnot for having these experiences and defending them.

So I developed all these, what shall I call it, nicey-nicey ways of talking about things, so that people’s feathers wouldn’t get all ruffled, but I still could take care of myself. Like you can’t say, in a pro-smoking world, that people are being assholes for smoking in front of you, because they are essentially undermining your chance at a healthy life. They will be like, fuck you.

So when I lived in Israel, where smoking is a way of life, I would tell people I have asthma (kinda true; had it bad throughout my childhood, until I self healed from it in my early 20s – cool story, I should tell you all about it sometime), and I would be all apologetic, and I’d negotiate some kind of arrangement where they weren’t shoveling soot into my lungs.

Urgh. I want to communicate something, but I think it’s finding its words right now, percolating through my system. So I’ll share it another time. But it’s something about how we grow up in a world where certain people or figures – Abraham, Martin Luther King, Albert Einstein, Mother Theresa – are considered these very wise people, to whom people refer and defer. But if you’re a little girl or everyday person who has brilliant, revolutionary, off-the-chart thoughts, you’ll be shunned, ridiculed, dismissed, belittled, etc.

People are not thinking. They are not listening. Maybe they do not have the capacity, I don’t know. But when they respond positively to someone like the figures mentioned above, it’s because it’s already socially sanctioned to do so. Oooooh, yes this person was a great man/woman. Which of course is probably the case. But so are a whole lot of other people, who are not being heard, validated, respected. Who are being treated like imbeciles, by authority figures with the power to fuck up the lives of the people who actually know more, just intuitively, than those with all kinds of degrees.

And I’d like to talk about these degrees. It’s so middle school. I actually talk about how everything I learned about life, I learned in middle school. Someone decided they were really hot and smart and should be admired and so forth. And they walked through the world like that, and social circumstances were such that people around responded to these individuals like that. Then these individuals set up schools and claimed they were the best schools. So then all kinds of social measurements were set up in relation to those schools.

But when you follow the trail, it’s all bullshit. Somebody made something up.

Same in art, music, literature, science, medicine, you name it. Somebody somewhere decided something. Maybe that person was a genius, maybe that person was a butthead with excellent self-promotion skills. But the people who follow are more often than not robots, unquestioning, unthinking, having a degree conferred upon them, thinking that makes them something, maybe something better than the next person. Losing their humanity. Losing their vision. Not staying vibrantly awake each day, each moment, in tune with their senses.

Anyhow, that’s all I got for now. I’m sleepy. And I want to eat something fresh and tasty. So off I go. Night night, kiss kiss.

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